Do you ever wonder... plus some (long musings)

...just who reads your blog? I mean I know I'm not great at keeping up with my posting and sometimes it isn't all that interesting but it is my life such as it is - day by day. Somedays I just want to hang up my blogging hat and call it a day and delete the whole blasted thing. I frequent several blogs - most are listed on my blog page and then there are a few that aren't listed there as requested by the blog creator. I have noticed on some blogs that the person could say they sneezed and they would get a dozen "bless yous" before the day is out - my blog - not so much.

Some days you just really need a friend - today was one of those days - lets just say that before I even made it out the door today I had several tearfilled moments that left me incapacitated and gasping for breath. I thought I had it all under control and headed out the door to play with the "G" kiddos for the day - walked in the door there and "S" asked the same sweet question she has everyday for weeks now - and much to my dismay that was all it took - I was a basketcase - the tears started flowing - I would have loved to have had a great big hug but I think "S" was a little shocked at the whole thing - so I picked up little "S" and hugged the daylights out of him! Then as the day progressed I berated myself for letting things get to me the way they do, wearing my feelings on my shirtsleeves the way I do and being so soft-hearted and easily hurt - now some of you wouldn't think that is me - however, my defense mechanism is to be loud, often obnoxiously so, I'm quite good at voicing my opinions and ... being lonely.

I know I have not been quiet in my letting most of you know how miserable and lonely I am - I hear about people getting together all the time - any invitations our way? Nope. People getting together for holidays - yep, they are and do - invitations our way? Nope, not a one. I feel so sorry for my loving husband who works so hard for our family, and is such a friendlyguy and for my kiddos - when we don't get invited to do things - and then feel guilty for all the missed opportunities they have - knowing all the while that it is my fault. I've tried so hard to be friends with certain people - hoping that some of their "attitudes" will rub off on me to no avail.

Anyway, as you can probably tell - my mood hasn't improved much and now I am tired on top of it all and 5:15 comes awful early in the morning so I am going to say goodnight and take my pity partying self to bed but before I do - I want to take a moment and thank my friends for caring for me (whether you post or not) - sometimes it just helps to state the facts and sometimes it helps to share the facts with friends.