...just who reads your blog? I mean I know I'm not great at keeping up with my posting and sometimes it isn't all that interesting but it is my life such as it is - day by day. Somedays I just want to hang up my blogging hat and call it a day and delete the whole blasted thing. I frequent several blogs - most are listed on my blog page and then there are a few that aren't listed there as requested by the blog creator. I have noticed on some blogs that the person could say they sneezed and they would get a dozen "bless yous" before the day is out - my blog - not so much.
Some days you just really need a friend - today was one of those days - lets just say that before I even made it out the door today I had several tearfilled moments that left me incapacitated and gasping for breath. I thought I had it all under control and headed out the door to play with the "G" kiddos for the day - walked in the door there and "S" asked the same sweet question she has everyday for weeks now - and much to my dismay that was all it took - I was a basketcase - the tears started flowing - I would have loved to have had a great big hug but I think "S" was a little shocked at the whole thing - so I picked up little "S" and hugged the daylights out of him! Then as the day progressed I berated myself for letting things get to me the way they do, wearing my feelings on my shirtsleeves the way I do and being so soft-hearted and easily hurt - now some of you wouldn't think that is me - however, my defense mechanism is to be loud, often obnoxiously so, I'm quite good at voicing my opinions and ... being lonely.
I know I have not been quiet in my letting most of you know how miserable and lonely I am - I hear about people getting together all the time - any invitations our way? Nope. People getting together for holidays - yep, they are and do - invitations our way? Nope, not a one. I feel so sorry for my loving husband who works so hard for our family, and is such a friendlyguy and for my kiddos - when we don't get invited to do things - and then feel guilty for all the missed opportunities they have - knowing all the while that it is my fault. I've tried so hard to be friends with certain people - hoping that some of their "attitudes" will rub off on me to no avail.
Anyway, as you can probably tell - my mood hasn't improved much and now I am tired on top of it all and 5:15 comes awful early in the morning so I am going to say goodnight and take my pity partying self to bed but before I do - I want to take a moment and thank my friends for caring for me (whether you post or not) - sometimes it just helps to state the facts and sometimes it helps to share the facts with friends.
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8 comments:
I feel the same way at times about being lonely.I actually have heard of and know several people who struggle with it too. I think you have to be careful with what you are looking for in a friend because there are always going to be certain crowds that are harder to fit into(even as an adult) and realize also that some people are just really busy and may have good intentions to call you and do stuff, but life gets in the way. Not that those people shouldn't try harder, but it happens.
Know that you are loved! Hugs to you! Ya know ya can call me when you have those days! I am here in my sick bed...nothing to do! Ok at least in the afternoon and evenings, I have to push myself in the mornings! :)
Well dang. You did have a bit of a crappy day, didn't you? I certainly go through those times. But I just realize (as hard as it can be) that that is my challenge at that time...to find peace within myself. Somedays it is harder than others, but it can be done. We just can't become dependent upon others meeting our individual needs...'cause they don't always know them and the Spirit will do an infinitely better job anyway. Please shake off those sad feelings. They are not coming from a team player (if you know what I mean.)
Sorry I didn't call you back earlier. I'm obviously just now checking my computer and it's kinda late. But to answer your questions: Book Club is Thursday, Sept. 25th at Carrie Thorum's. The book is Jacob Have I Loved and the library is supposed to have copies but I haven't read it yet.
Hope your morning is filled with good and happy feelings. I will hope peace finds your heart...and stays there.
:)
I hear you, girl!! I think I have felt that even moreso lately than most times as well. Of course, I didn't realize there was someone else in the world feeling the same way.
Seriously, we need to have a shoulder club, where we can just go and cry on each other's shoulders once amonth, just get it out real good, you know. You think that will help? Probably not, but it would be fun to try.
I was thinking about you, too. I should have called. One of those shoulda coulda moments. Darn.
We do love you, Jenni. Hope today is better and brighter.
I hear ya girl and feel your pain. Big hugs!! Come over any time...I am just down the street!!
Yeah, I think you'd be surprised at how many people--probably even the ones whose attitudes you want and are getting together all the time--have been lonely too. I hope you feel better!
Things CAN feel so hard sometimes. We all have black days when we wonder what the heck we're doing. You're great and doing so many things right. I do read your blog, and enjoy it.
BIG hug.
Better late than never, Jenni! While I am in the hospital, I am getting caught up on reading friends' blogs. My heart broke when I read yours, and I am sending love your way. I hope you will not continue to feel this way. Our family is appreciative for the love and kindness you have shown us. Next time I see you I will have big hug for you!
Jen,
I, for one, think you are a wonderful person! I am glad we have met up again via the net. I think we all have 'crappy' days like this. Don't take it personally. Everyone is so darn busy these days! Sometimes we don't have time to show people we care, but we do! Hang in there! Here is a cyber hug from me!
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